Choose Your Own Summer Festival

Have you ever gone to a music festival and thought, "I bet I could do a better job of programming a weekend of music than these people?"
I don't go to most festivals, for many reasons, but the main reason is the music. I don't want to have to sit through Blues Traveler and Jack Johnson just to see Radiohead; I'd rather wait until Radiohead comes back through the region on their own tour, thank you very much.
(I do have dozens of other reasons, but we're not here to talk about my hatred of the sun, $8 bottles of water and most other humans).

I asked a handful of other music lovers to book their own imaginary festival, with only a few guidelines:
1) You can only select currently active acts. No dead people, no defunct acts (like, "I'd reunite Pavement") and no fantasy collaborations like "Celine Dion singing with Deicide".
2) You can add as many speakers, comedians, dancers, activists, etc. as you want.
3) This is probably not going to happen, so don't worry about money or travel visas.

Let's start today with my festival:

HOSTS: Steve Martin & Chris Rock

MUSIC STAGE:
Bjork
Bonnie 'Prince' Bily
Boredoms
Caetano Veloso
DragonForce
Fantomas
Jandek
Kanye West
King's Daughters and Sons
Konono No. 1
Mariachi Reynas de Los Angeles
Mission of Burma
Monotonix
Mucca Pazza
Neil Diamond
Neko Case
Odetta
Ornette Coleman
Radiohead
R. Kelly
Roky Erickson
Tom Waits
Wilco
Yo Majesty
Yusef Lateef

COMEDY STAGE:
Andy Kindler, Blaine Capatch, Brendon Small, Brian Posehn, Dave Attell, David Cross, Dimitri Martin, Eugene Mirman, Jon Benjamin, Jonathan Katz, Maria Bamford, Mike Birbiglia, Neil Hamburger, Norm MacDonald, Patton Oswalt, Paul Mooney, Ron Lynch, Sarah Silverman, Steven Wright, Tim Heidecker & Eric Wareheim, Todd Barry, Tom Kenny, Tracy Morgan, Vernon Chatman, Zach Galifianakis



c. 2008 Velocity Weekly