Column #14: Your fun and my fun aren't the same

If you like to have fun, you’ve probably bothered me on at least two recent occasions.

I like fun, but I hate your fun. Most of the fun I enjoy includes normal, mainstream, socially acceptable activities, sometimes involving alcohol and/or nudity. I’m certainly not some prim preacher shouting about the declining moral fiber of this nation. Nothing good ever happened without declining morals. I just hate the way that many of you, who aren’t me, have fun.

First, let’s talk about adult beverages. Have you heard the good news? Being an adult means that you can have a drink pretty much any time you want! So, enjoy!

St. Patrick’s Day: I like Irish folks and their culture, but I also like plenty of other cultures, too. Is there a reason why you still, way past college age, get all excited about a day where you tell yourself that it’s cool and awesome to drink beer for 12 hours straight? Isn’t that what Saturdays are for already?

Have you heard about Cinco de Mayo? That’s a great example of another culture I appreciate, those masked wrestlers who speak Spanish and their relatives. You do know that they will be the majority of this country before next Tuesday, yes? If nothing else, the weather is much better in May, and I have fun being outside when it’s not still 38 degrees, like it is in March. Still, I don’t see that overtaking St. Patrick’s Day as our national day of drinking any time soon.

Is it less popular in Louisville because it occurs two days after Derby, and you’re still hung over from drinking overpriced, watered-down Mint Juleps? I’ve been to Derby twice, and I’ve had the worst Mint Juleps of my life there. How many of you really love watching horses race and spend more than two minutes a year doing so? Also, how often do you do it while dressed up like someone who thinks that fashion hasn’t evolved since Gone With the Wind?

Speaking of dressing up like a jerk, why is Halloween still fascinating to people who are older than 8? Last year, I’ll bet that 4 in every 5 big city Americans dressed up like Lady Gaga. If you want to be special and have everyone tell you how original and interesting you are, why not dress up like Lady Gaga on a random night six months before Halloween? At the bar, everyone will talk about you, and I bet you’ll drink for free all night – especially if you’re a dude.

Is it that everyone just wants to follow the crowd, and only be “weird” when no one will actually notice? If I’d had a choice, I would’ve loved to have gone through this life as Weird Al Yankovic.

I like music, movies, TV, art, food and beverages, socializing and a good laugh. Life is to be enjoyed whenever possible. But I can’t think of anything less fun than watching Dancing with the Stars. Seriously, people, why do you hate dance so much? Also, why is watching reality TV stars dancing badly more fascinating than watching them raise children badly?

Also not funny: April Fool’s Day. Tell friends that you’re quitting your job and becoming born again on a day when people aren’t expecting some lame attempt at shock. See if that gets ‘em rolling in the aisles.

My outsider view of fun surely stems from my childhood, where I was raised Jewish and loved playing baseball. It’s hard to enjoy Christmas, Easter and the Super Bowl under those circumstances. I never understood “Good Friday” – isn’t every Friday good?

At the very least, can your fun not inconvenience me? Can I get a good latte on Christmas? Can I drive downtown while you stare at minor league fireworks? Can your college basketball not preempt my TV shows?

Please, think about me next time you want to have fun. You’re probably doing it wrong.

c. 2010 Velocity Weekly

The Glasspack interview

Dirty Dave Johnson is a leader of Louisville's hard 'n' heavy music scene, and a busy guy. His band, The Glasspack, is currently planning live shows for this summer. Noise Pollution Records will soon release a split 7" with The Glasspack and Trophy Wives. Also, Johnson will be selling artwork and merchandise at the second annual South By South End Festival on April 22nd - 24th.

Where did you grow up? Is your family musical or artistic?
I was born in Louisville at St. Anthony's hospital, which was pretty much in the Highlands. I spent a couple early childhood years in West Virginia. I lived in the Appalachian Mountains, where my oldest sister was born. As a small child, I rode around in my dad's muscle car, watched 70's pro-wrestling and sported long hair. I grew up drawing Popeye and Woody Woodpecker cartoons and acting like a clown. My first encounters with music were my dad's old CCR records, among others. I grew up in Okolona and Iroquois, which is basically the south side and south end of Louisville as they were in the '80s. I spent a lot of time in Iroquois Park, where I still do to this day. Creativity was limited in my family but still apparent. My grandfather could draw very well, and my oldest sister can play all sorts of instruments much better than me. Other than that, I am unaware of any other creativity in my family, except that my mom was a master at the sewing machine. I would draw stencils for her. She passed away when I was about 20 years old.

What is your musical background / training?
No formal training here, my friend. I tried flute in the 3rd or 4th grade at school and gave it up a week or two later. My dad bought me a right-handed guitar when I was 13 because he couldn't afford the left-handed one. That is social tyranny at its best. I learned how to play guitar because I was grounded all the time. I sat in my room and read Guitar Player Magazine or Guitar World Magazine. I cannot remember which one it was, but those magazines have what is called music tabs underneath the actual sheet music. I would try and play those tabs along with the songs on my jam box. The tabs are sort of the cheap way around learning to read music so that you can still learn to play other people's songs while listening. I was quite annoyed with the material available in those magazines at the time. All they had in them was Whitesnake and Motley Crue. By that time, I had realized quite fast what kind of garbage '80's glam hair metal was. I liked Van Halen and AC/DC, which would pop up in the magazines sometimes, and occasionally there would be a Hendrix tune or an R.E.M. song. Other than that, I learned to play a lot of songs from hoodlum friends, mostly Metallica. Since my friends needed a bassist, I got a bass at age 15. I learned mostly to play bass by playing old Metallica. I can still play some of "Orion" from Master of Puppets. Soon after this period, I found Black Sabbath and punk rock. This is really when I started to learn the most about playing guitar and bass.

Who are your musical favorites/inspirations?
There is no question that probably the greatest influence on me and my music has been Black Sabbath. There would be nothing good without Black Sabbath. The first Black Sabbath album, Black Sabbath, is all that any rock album could hope to be. As a small child, as I already mentioned, my dad's CCR records wound me up. Into my early teen-age years, I fell in love with the music of Jimi Hendrix. Hendrix is still grand to me as well. After that, I found punk rock. Local bands I listened to and saw were Kinghorse, Bush League, and Cinderblock. The Cinderblock guys were all my buddies, I still love them all. The Dead Kennedys had a big impact on me, as well as a lot of the Seattle music such as Soundgarden and Mudhoney. As I got into my 20s though, I really picked up on the MC5 and The Stooges. Then I really started digging on some Captain Beefheart and His Magical Band.

What bands/projects are you currently involved with? How did you get involved with them?
Currently, I am doing stuff with The Glasspack full-time and occasionally Muddy Nasty River. The Glasspack, as most people around here know, has been me and various friends and/or local musicians over the years. I write most of the music, sing, and play guitar. The Glasspack started in 1999, but we are just now getting around to celebrating 10 years this year!
Muddy Nasty River is a part-time band, but I hope that it can exist in full-time mode soon. I started Muddy Nasty River with my childhood friend Mark Campbell. I also write the songs, sing, and play guitar in this garage/blues act. We both go to the University of Louisville, so our time is very limited. I am about to have a bachelor's degree in philosophy and Mark is a doctoral student in biology. I am also planning to attend law school or grad school immediately. We musicians are busy people.

What do you hope to achieve with music?
I can't say that I ever really thought about or sought out achieving anything by playing music except to express and please myself, as well as those who are involved. I do, however, hope that the music will relieve some of us from the stress of this fast capitalistic society. We were not put here to work and work and work so that 5% of the population can control 50% of the wealth. It's b------t, but if we can't change the system in our short time here, we can party and forget about it for at least a little bit. I hope The Glasspack is the soundtrack to that party.



c. 2010 Velocity Weekly

Column #13: 3-D movies are less than impressive

I have not seen Avatar yet.

I probably won’t see it. How is it possible that someone who loves movies could not have seen the legendarily most popular movie ever made? Surely it must be great, or at least necessary to have been seen in order for me to leave the house and fully engage with other humans, yes?

No. I think I will be alright. It took me eight months to see Titanic, then showing in a rundown discount theater where the tickets were only $2. Honestly, I was more interested in Kate Winslet’s nude scene than any potentially incisive writing or souful acting. Even that was when she was getting naked in movies annually – I had already seen her talents on display, so there was no Julie Andrews-in-S.O.B. thrill promised within.

I haven’t seen Avatar yet because I feel secure guessing that the good guys will win, and that the guy will get the girl in the end. If the blue guy played by that Australian guy that I’ve never heard of (and don’t remember inviting to be my next movie star) doesn’t get her this time, then I’m sure he will by the end of the second squeakuel.

Many of the most interesting movies have sad, or at least complicated, endings, from Casablanca and Citizen Kane to The Graduate and The Godfather, through the recent Spider-Man, and, inevitably, even Titanic. Does Avatar?

The recent tsunami of hype about this new discovery of 3-D filmmaking technology is stunning to me. At 35, I am old enough to have seen a couple of generations of movie evolution, from the highs of classic John Hughes to the lows of anything Kevin Smith, from the peaks of the two Coreys to the depressing rise of the Twilight twinks.

I feel blessed to have grown up in a golden moment of kids’ adventure movies. I don’t see much today as fun and inspiring as The Goonies, Gremlins, The Last Starfighter, Starman, War Games, or D.A.R.Y.L., let alone full of the relative emotional complexity of Stand By Me or The Sure Thing.

I also am an overall student – nay, a worshipper - of movies, especially the classic periods of the screwball ‘30s, the foreign imports of the post-WWII era, the hippie rebel breakthroughs of Altman, Ashby, Cassevetes and company, and the independent wave of the early ‘90s.

All this is, in part, a run-up to me saying that I have been aware of 3-D for many, many years now. You know who else has been aware of this technological reality? Everybody else!

The movie industry is telling us these days that, after a decade plus of their declining revenues, we should all be excited to return to their theaters.

We should be excited to see big movies on the big screen instead of at home, on the DVDs they wanted us to buy after we’d bought all the VHS copies of the same titles, or on our computers.

I wasn’t around in the mid-1950’s, but I bet a similar argument was raised at that time. “Turn off your television! Put down that comic book! We’ve got It Came from Outer Space – in mind-boggling 3-D!”

I’ve seen 3-D movies several times. It’s never been impressive to me, with the clunky glasses and limp effects. I’ve never been scared that the beast is actually going to get me.

I did see Alice in Wonderland. I wanted to because the team of Tim Burton & Johnny Depp has made a handful of fun, wonderful movies together. I expect them to offer dazzling visuals, surprising performances and - something I never expect from James Cameron - humor and joy. They pleased me yet again, though the 3-D did little to enhance my experience.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how big or loud the movie is. I just want a good story, and to be moved to laugh, cry or cheer. Nude scene included when artistically necessary, of course.