Well, this is just pointless. If you like Weezer or They Might Be Giants, go listen to them instead. Despite having some sort of association with the Elephant 6 cult, this is just like Barenaked Ladies covering The Knack. If that sounds good to you, put down BEJEEZUS and hang yourself like Michael Hutchence. How dare they claim, in their bio, to have “the full-on power quirk of Talking Heads in their prime”? “Power quirk”? I’m gonna go listen to some Talking Heads, jerks.
Clyde Federal, “Sensitive Skin” (Contraphonic)
First song: rocks. Second song: not only is it called “Model Hot”, but it’s dopier than Carson Daly after being punched in his potato head sixteen times. Third song: rocks. What’s going on here? Forth song: a ballad. It’s pretty. These guys’ll be bigger than Jet. Fifth and last song: This one has autoharp, too. That’s pretty rad. Why does their press release keep comparing them to Motown? They couldn’t be any whiter. Not that that’s a bad thing, am I right, skinheads? Well, it’s almost 2 minutes into the song and it’s still a ballad. Oh wait, big rock riff. Now he’s muttering like he’s in Slint. I’m gonna say now that they’re good but that’s what I said about the first Smashing Pumpkins cd back in ’91, and look what happened there.
The Cocker Spaniels, “Withstand the Whatnot” (Artbreak)
Here’s the one I waited to listen to last. I just didn’t want to. A nerdy brother whose bio asserts that “His music was once described as ‘Pavement meets Seinfeld’”. What could be worse? I mean, besides a second Interpol disc, what could be worse? The first song comes on; it’s called “The Only Black Guy at the Indie-Rock Show”. What’s next, a joke song called “I Am Singing This Song Right Now”? I hate this unfunny comedy stuff. Did I mention Adam Sandler yet? OK, my ears fuggin’ hurt. I’m taking this off. If I want to not laugh, I’ll watch “Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn”. If I want to listen to music, I’ll put on The Zombies or X or something musical. PLEASE STOP WASTING OUR TIME, NERDS!
Death from Above 1979, “Romantic Rights” (Sound Virus)
Out of the 83 cds I was given to review this time, this might be my favorite. These guys are just really good. 3 rocktastic songs and a dance remix called “Girls Are Short”. They play rock music like the BMRC wants to, and you can dance to them but their music holds up to repeated listenings, unlike, I dunno, Radio 4, let’s say. Plus this is an ep - short AND sweet. And now they’re putting out a full-length through Vice, so I’m telling you about them ‘cause Vice is just gonna promote The Streets some more and forget them. That’s dumb. Buy this and tell your friends and the boyfriend you’re weeks away from dumping about this.
Fuck, “Those Are Not My Bongos” (Future Farmer)
Umm, I’m probably not the first person to point this out, but calling your lame joke band “Fuck” is like putting “free beer” on your advertisement. Unless you’ve got a good product that people might be interested in, you’re just wasting everyone’s time. Why do all these spoiled, suburban preppies with no chest hair think that they can make a “funny” CD that anyone would want to hear? You know there’s an Adam Sandler movie on HBO right now, and you know that that has to be more fun. And I hate most of his movies.
Mosquitos, “Sunshine Barato” (Bar/None)
OK, you should check this out, it’s good. It’s pretty and it swings and you can dance to it. The adorable gal sings in both English AND Portugese – let’s see you pull off just one of those! It’s bossa nova and indie, blended together organically. There’s some Stereolab in here, and some Bis in here, and it doesn’t get ruined by being all fusiony like Bebel Gilberto. They’ve toured with Air (I don’t know why, but people seem to still like Air). You can play this for smart people with good taste, or hippies, or your parents, they’ll all like it. For those of you in L.A. - this is too good for KCRW. (That’s the ultimate L.A. compliment.)
Quintron, “The Frog Tape” (Skin Graft)
I haven’t listened to Quintron before, ‘cause I’m afraid they’re one of those “old school” “rock” “purists” like the Reverend Horton Heat or Social Distortion or some macho small-cock idiocy that’s all about tats and greasy pompadours. This disc, thankfully, is all “kooky” organ sounds and samples of frogs. I should dig this, right? Sigh… sigh again… Why do some people waste so much time? Just go to a desk job and send me your paycheck if you’re such a moron. This is like one of those “sound effect” discs – 60 minutes of waves and all that, plus the organ they use at minor league baseball games. I really should like this, but it sounds like the noises I hear from the street when I’m trying to get to sleep – why should anyone pay for that?
Nicolai Sarcevic, “Lock-Sport-Krock” (Burning Heart)
This is really sensitive. I mean, like, the bad kind of “really sensitive”. And I liked John Denver. Have you heard of a band called “Millencolin”? Apparently they’re “Sweden’s beloved punks”. But this “retains a cohesion missing from most singer/songwriter efforts.” His attempts at sincerity are about as believeable as Borat from “Da Ali G Show”, or worse, Pete Yorn.
63 Crayons, “Good People” (Happy Happy Birthday to Me)
Now this is more like it. At first impression easily dismissed as another Beatles/psych/Syd Barret/Elephant 6 copycat, with people literally singing “Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba”, bringing sheep to mind. I get really annoyed with nerds who swear by cotton candy-sweet “pop” sounds; but when a band gets it right, it can perk me up, and this does that.
The Six Parts Seven, “Everywhere and Right Here” (Suicide Squeeze)
Oh, nice. After listening to some lame joke bands, here’s a good, skilled instrumental band. They sound like they’re even adults, but not too old! Oh, I needed this. Beyond that, what can I tell you? It’s instrumental but no one here can play like Miles Davis, so what’s the point? Are they trying to get hired to write movie scores? I can’t imagine they’ll impress any girls with their music, bad boys don’t play vibraphones. Well, put this on while you’re painting, I guess, it won’t bother you.
The Vanishing, “Still Lifes Are Failing” (Gold Standard Labs)
The Vanishing has to be the only band currently in existence who I like despite the fact that everyone thinks they’re Goth. I haven’t seen them live, they might paint their faces with chalk or something junior high like that, but they make really good records. Sure, there’s an eerie, we’ve-listened-to-Bauhaus-a-whole-lot ethos at work, but they’re also danceable and now they’re getting skronky. So if you like James Chance better than Peter Murphy, you’re right and you should get this.
